We picked up the kids on Friday 3/25 from daycare. They were crying a little bit but as soon as I got them in to the car, I started talking to them to soothe their emotions. I explained what was happening and that we were going to have a fun fun weekend. We would go to the park, watch movies and play with toys. They didn't cry at all for the rest of the drive home.
The 1st night was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be. I started on dinner, gave them baths, fed the baby, changed the baby, my sister n law came over to help me take take the baby a bath as well. They were great listeners and they were in bed and asleep around 10pm. I definitely felt like I was in 10,000 places at once but once it was quiet time I was able to relax......A LITTLE.
We were told that the baby slept through the night.....well.....she doesn't. It probably was because she was with new people, new environment, new schedule, etc. She woke up twice the first night.
Saturday morning the baby woke up around 6am and the other kids woke up around 7. I made breakfast and tried to clean here and there. I have never had my house so messy! But I know it is definitely something I need to get used to. The kids played all morning with the different toys we had then they started watching a movie in "their room" and fell asleep for a nap around 11:30. They slept for a couple of hours and the nice thing about Saturday was that the kids and the baby were on the same schedule. So I was able to rest while they were asleep. After getting myself showered and ready, I then woke them up and explained the plans for the rest of the day to them. I explained to them that my mom and other family would be coming over to go to the beach with us. I showed them pictures so that they wouldn't be so shocked or scared about everything. We changed them and introduced them to the rest of the family. My mom bought the kids toys which they ABSOLUTELY loved. The 4 year old girl is such a little girly girl and my mom got her make up, necklaces and bracelets. The 3 yr old boy is a TYPICAL boy. But sooooooo lovable. They really all were. The baby was SUCH a good baby. She loved to smile and laugh and she likes to be carried. If I held her on my chest she would fall right to sleep.
Sunday was a quieter day. We did the whole morning routine, took naps, then went to a park in our neighborhood. Sunday evening was the best. It was full of hugs and kisses and laying on the couches watching movies....and that's when the 4 yr old told me she wanted to stay with me forever. It took everything I had to not cry right there at that moment. I knew I had to stay strong. But from that moment on, I have been a little emotional.
I tried very hard to not let them in. I was just trying to be a good babysitter but also teaching them some rules and guidelines. But at the end.....I just couldn't help it.
Monday morning I woke up, got them all dressed for school, we loaded them in to the car and put a movie on for them for their drive. That was the last time I saw them. I thought they would bring the kids over later that day after they were picked up because they already had to come back to my house to pick up their bags. But they didn't bring the kids. And I obviously understand why they didn't.....but the whole day I kept telling myself I would see them again that evening. The foster parent told me that the kids were crying and crying from the point he picked them up from day care so he didn't think it was a good idea to bring them over because then that cycle would start all over again. I DO UNDERSTAND......but it doesn't take away from it hurting.
Not that it's getting easier....but it's becoming bearable. I did cry once yesterday evening when I walked in to the spare bedroom (their bedroom) to get a blanket. I hadn't realized I hadn't been in there. Or maybe I was avoiding that room. I think I could smell them in there! :-|. And I instantly thought to myself....."oh no....I'm not going to be one of those people that can't go in to THE room, am I?".
Right now this moment....I don't know if I would do respite care again. I mean....is this the way I'm going to feel every time I meet different children? And if I do feel that way.....am I betraying the 1st 3 I looked after? I at least have comfort in knowing that I can truly love these children as if they came from my tummy. I knew I would and I would say I would, but it was always a fear or question in my head. What I felt for those children was MUCH different than anything I have felt before. It was so much MORE. I have often wondered if I'm ready for kids....and now I know I am.
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