The Aftermath of Respite Care.....

We picked up the kids on Friday 3/25 from daycare.  They were crying a little bit but as soon as I got them in to the car, I started talking to them to soothe their emotions.  I explained what was happening and that we were going to have a fun fun weekend.  We would go to the park, watch movies and play with toys.  They didn't cry at all for the rest of the drive home. 

The 1st night was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be.  I started on dinner, gave them baths, fed the baby, changed the baby, my sister n law came over to help me take take the baby a bath as well.  They were great listeners and they were in bed and asleep around 10pm.  I definitely felt like I was in 10,000 places at once but once it was quiet time I was able to relax......A LITTLE. 

We were told that the baby slept through the night.....well.....she doesn't.  It probably was because she was with new people, new environment, new schedule, etc.  She woke up twice the first night. 

Saturday morning the baby woke up around 6am and the other kids woke up around 7.  I made breakfast and tried to clean here and there.  I have never had my house so messy!  But I know it is definitely something I need to get used to.  The kids played all morning with the different toys we had then they started watching a movie in "their room" and fell asleep for a nap around 11:30.  They slept for a couple of hours and the nice thing about Saturday was that the kids and the baby were on the same schedule.  So I was able to rest while they were asleep.  After getting myself showered and ready, I then woke them up and explained the plans for the rest of the day to them.  I explained to them that my mom and other family would be coming over to go to the beach with us.  I showed them pictures so that they wouldn't be so shocked or scared about everything.  We changed them and introduced them to the rest of the family.  My mom bought the kids toys which they ABSOLUTELY loved.  The 4 year old girl is such a little girly girl and my mom got her make up, necklaces and bracelets.  The 3 yr old boy is a TYPICAL boy.  But sooooooo lovable.  They really all were.  The baby was SUCH a good baby.  She loved to smile and laugh and she likes to be carried.  If I held her on my chest she would fall right to sleep. 

Sunday was a quieter day.  We did the whole morning routine, took naps, then went to a park in our neighborhood.  Sunday evening was the best.  It was full of hugs and kisses and laying on the couches watching movies....and that's when the 4 yr old told me she wanted to stay with me forever.  It took everything I had to not cry right there at that moment.  I knew I had to stay strong.  But from that moment on, I have been a little emotional. 

I tried very hard to not let them in.  I was just trying to be a good babysitter but also teaching them some rules and guidelines.  But at the end.....I just couldn't help it. 

Monday morning I woke up, got them all dressed for school, we loaded them in to the car and put a movie on for them for their drive.  That was the last time I saw them.  I thought they would bring the kids over later that day after they were picked up because they already had to come back to my house to pick up their bags.  But they didn't bring the kids.  And I obviously understand why they didn't.....but the whole day I kept telling myself I would see them again that evening.  The foster parent told me that the kids were crying and crying from the point he picked them up from day care so he didn't think it was a good idea to bring them over because then that cycle would start all over again.  I DO UNDERSTAND......but it doesn't take away from it hurting. 

Not that it's getting easier....but it's becoming bearable.  I did cry once yesterday evening when I walked in to the spare bedroom (their bedroom) to get a blanket.  I hadn't realized I hadn't been in there.  Or maybe I was avoiding that room.  I think I could smell them in there! :-|.  And I instantly thought to myself....."oh no....I'm not going to be one of those people that can't go in to THE room, am I?". 

Right now this moment....I don't know if I would do respite care again.  I mean....is this the way I'm going to feel every time I meet different children?  And if I do feel that way.....am I betraying the 1st 3 I looked after?  I at least have comfort in knowing that I can truly love these children as if they came from my tummy.  I knew I would and I would say I would, but it was always a fear or question in my head.  What I felt for those children was MUCH different than anything I have felt before.  It was so much MORE.  I have often wondered if I'm ready for kids....and now I know I am.

Met the children...

We had a meet and greet with the 3 children we are doing respite care for.  What was I thinking when I agreed to take care of 3 children all at the same time?!?!?!?  The 2 year old and 4 yr old have SO MUCH energy.  Their favorite word is "NO" and "WHY".  Well isn't that lovely? ;)  They are all super adorable though.  The 4 yr old is such a diva princess and I kinda love it.  The 2 yr old seems very observant of his surroundings.  But they weren't shy at all.

So far....I think this weekend is going to do exactly what I wanted it to do for me.  It's going to allow me to experience being responsible for children more than one night and it's going to make me SERIOUSLY think about what ages I am considering.

Well I survived the first few hours with them.  Let's see what tomorrow brings us.

Changing our license

During our last quartely visit which was in February, we requested a change to our license to include Legal Risk adoption.  On Tuesday March 1st we heard back from our caseworker and were told that we were approved for the change!  FINALLY something is going our way :).  We were then told by our CW that she would need to come do another home visit and we scheduled her in for the 8th.  She answered all of our questions and reminded us that Legal Risk is kind of like fostering so we would need to EACH keep up with 20 hours of educational classes.  She also mentioned that "regular" couples do not have to EACH take 20 hours, they can combine their hours.  Well....isn't that just lovely?

Onwards and upwards!  Must stay on a positive path!  So we got through the visit and everything went perfectly of course ;) and we already have a class crossed off our list.  Only 16 more hours to go....EACH.  OH! I also found out that if we need a babysitter we would need our "future babysitters" to be cpr certified and have a background check done on them.  So I've been sending out background forms to future aunts, uncles and grandparents galore! 

We received a broadcast today on a one year old baby.  We decided to send his caseworker our homestudy.....and I am just now realizing we haven't sent in our homestudy for any children in a while. 

This weekend we are taking care of 3 children for 3 nights, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.  FUN TIMES!  We are really excited to be able to spend time with these kiddos and show them a fun fun fun time!  We are supposed to have play dates with my sis n laws and their kids.  I hope to tire them out so that they can fall in to a deep slumber during the night hours ---> so that I can get some rest. 

Hopefully I'll get our new license emailed to me soon so that we can see if we see a difference in broadcasts.  I've started to feel an overwhelming nesting feeling.  I even worked on my lawn, which is unheard of.  A little blood sweat and tears never hurt anyone.....right?