Kiki

We got a call from Depelchin about a 7 month old baby girl emergency placement on Friday February 3rd around 4pm-ish and asked me if we wanted our file sent. Of course, we said yes.  About 40 minutes later, they called us back to say that we were approved and that placement would take place the following Monday February 6th.  That weekend was a blur. In a way, we wanted it to last forever but we also wanted it to go by quickly so that Monday would get here sooner. Monday finally did come and we were so anxious to get the call from Kiki's caseworker so that she could notify us on what time we would be able to meet her.  I finally got the call around 11am and they told me they would drop her off around 3pm. We left work early and anxiously waited her arrival. By 5pm, she still wasn't with us. That's when we got a call from the worker stating that they couldn't find the woman who was caring for Kiki, but that they would keep trying.  I tried to keep it together and at the point I felt a breakdown coming on, I got another call saying they were on their way.
We met Kiki at 7:45 that night. She was quietly waiting in her car seat as we talked to the worker. Not one peep out of her. When the worker left, we took her out of the car seat and did some baby talk and instantly Kiki smiled.
Since Monday our lives have felt kind of chaotic but we haven't complained. We know it's just these first few weeks we'll feel out of place until we have a routine going. Every day we fall in love with Kiki more and more. Every time she smiles our hearts melt for her!  I think we may be spoiling her because she is getting to a point where she wants to be held all of the time. Oh well :)
Yesterday we celebrated her 7 month birthday; cupcakes and all!
Tomorrow it will be a week that we have her. I still can't believe we have her in our home.  As much as we want to protect our hearts from heartache, there is just no way NOT to give Kiki our all. She deserves all of our love <3.

And right now....I deserve a nap! :-D

File Active

I received a phone call today and when the girl on the other end of the line said, "Hi I'm calling from Depelchin", I knew they were calling me to say that our file was active in their system (finally). Not only did they tell us our file was active, they told me about an emergency placement for a 14 month old boy. We were cautiously optimistic and about 2 hours later they called back stating no one from the agency was picked.  Bright side? We got our first foster call! I had a mix of emotions....I didn't know if I would be hesitant when we were finally called about a foster placement because I do tend to get emotionally attached. The outcome was just the opposite.  I was calm, not overly excited and very aware that this could be JUST a foster placement. I've said it before and I'll say it again....I am exactly in the stage of the process that I'm supposed to be in. I would have never been able to be that calm if I had gotten that same call 2 years ago. Now that we are "active in the system", I hope to be less stressed out about the little things. I just wanted to get to THIS point so that I can finally start getting those phone calls of my potential future children. When we first started the process I was a bit saddened about the possibility of not birthing my own children.  All I knew was that I was meant to be a person that would take care of little ones. BUT NOW....I never knew I would be at the point where I have absolutely NO NEED for that. I love that we are fostering and adopting. I love that we are going to potentially change someones life for the better. Not only will their lives be changed, mine will continue to change for the better as well.

Patience is a virtue....my a$$

So today is a rather frustrating day. Last week I was told our file would be sent to licensing then today I get an email stating that the form they gave us for the fire imspection was incorrect. After many phone calls and emails, the inspector will be transferring our inspection details to the new form and I should be receiving it soon. Long story long.....We have yet to be assigned a caseworker. We were supposed to be licensed in EARLY December. Once we get a caseworker we'll still have to wait to schedule a meeting with him or her and THEN we can start looking. Rant over for now......

Approved

We got a call on Tuesday 1/3 that our homestudy was approved :). Now we are just waiting for a caseworker to be assigned. Mood: Optimistic

Long over due update

In September we decided it would be best for us to change agencies so....we did. Our case was closed with our old agency on 9/20 and then we quickly started the process to get re-licensed. We completed a few agency specific classes, did our FBI finger prints again and filled out the paperwork. The bright side was that we didn't have to do PRIDE again :).

We had our first home study visit on 11/8, our second HS visit on 11/10 and hopefully our final one will be this Friday 11/18.

 The total hours spent with the contractor so far is 5.5 hours....but thankfully she has made us feel SO comfortable to talk to. We have had the BEST experience with this agency so far so regardless the outcome, we know we made the right decision.

The big differences between before and now is that we have a lot more standards to follow since we are getting licensed to Foster to Adopt but the advantage to that is that we will have many more opportunities coming our way.

On another note...I was recommended a book by a friend entitled "The Kid" by Dan Savage. I've read the reviews and it sounds like something I'd become obsessed about!  I must put this on my "books to read" list!

Rough Week

We attended a match meeting this week......which didn't have not one possible match for us.

It gets kind of frustrating. The whole process is frustrating. I would consider myself a people person and someone who is easy to talk to. But everytime I attend one of these events I feel very guarded. I have no idea why! People always tell me I need to "sell" myself so I stand out so the other caseworkers remember me. I think that is just SUCH a crazy thing to do in this situation. I see other people do it.....and I just can't.

I don't ever think it will get easier and I am okay with that. Okay as in.....I get it. But it doesn't mean it will be any easier. It's an emotional roller coaster. And it won't ever stop being that until our adoption is final.

I LIVE for that day.

Inquiry update: we have been rejected on every inquiry I blogged about. As of right now we have no pending inquiries.

This week I did some email networking and sent a family profile I made to the caseworkers I had contact info on. It's a page long summary with a bunch of pictures of everyone in our immediate family. I did get one response....."you have a beautiful family!".

It was a bandaid to my heart :)

I think this post is different from all my others.  I typically don't try to get in to all the emotional details on the blog but....that's what it's for right????  I just wanna be sad when I wanna be sad.  Be pissed when I wanna be pissed.....and be happy when I can be happy.  Fact is....I'm trying to adopt.  So....I'm allowed to be able to feel different emotions and not feel bad about it.  Right now:  my mood is - going with the flow :).

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Not selected

We weren't selected for the legal risk placement and we also weren't selected for a girl we inquired about last month.

I was looking over old emails and we still have a few inquiries that we have not received updates on.

We're attending our 3rd match meeting on the 31st of this month.

Oh! And we are doing respite care for A and P from July 22nd through the 30th :) - I wish I could just keep them as my own. :-/

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First Legal Risk Broadcast

So we received our first broadcast today!! 2 yr old "J". From the information I received I can see he had a hard first couple of years. But he seems to be improving in several areas. :) I'm kinda excited about this one. He has a court date set in the 4th quarter. The goal of cps is to have the parental rights terminated since the family has had no visitation. Fingers crossed!

Today we confirmed with the respite coordinator that we will look after "A" and "P" for a whole week in July. I can't wait to see them again!! I hope they remember me :-/

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License has officially changed to Legal Risk!!!!

'Nuff said :-P

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More paperwork

Well.....we finally heard back. Our cw's supervisor gave her preliminary approval for the license change; pending some paperwork we need to sign. Everything was scanned over to them just now and she has confirmed that it was received. Now we wait (again) for the supervisors signature.

If anyone ever tells me to "be patient" - I may slap them :-D

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tick tock....

No license change yet

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Blahhh

Well I was going to update a complaint and be all sour puss about why I'm frustrated today.....BUT instead I will patiently email my cw and find out when our license will be changed. I also won't mention here that I was told it would be changed last Thursday or this past Monday. And I WON'T point out that it is now Wednesday. The End.

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A - age 5

Our CW contacted me today to tell me that a different CW reached out to her and said that 2 of her families were potential matches for A.  I received some of the information on him but I have some questions that I'd like answers to before we move forward.  We had actually inquired on an "A" age 5 back in January.....I wonder if it's the same one???

UPDATE:  I ended up asking my cw if it happened to be the same A that we inquired on and it turned out it was!  So we actually got our first MAYBE from a child's worker!!  Even though it's a maybe.....it's a big difference than hearing NO responses at all.  :)

Match Meeting on 5/26

My caseworker notified us today that their local adoption prep team will be having their own match meeting.  That team has asked the CW's to submit home studies, then they will go through each home study and match them with a child in their unit.  If we get matched, they will let my cw know and she will then show us the child's profile and see if it's a good fit. 

It sounds like a really effective way to match children and adoptive parents within their own region.  The actual date of the meeting is on 5/26 - if we are chosen as a potential parent, we will be able to meet and visit with the child(ren) on that day.  SO different on how the usual match meetings are, but I'm kinda excited to see if we are a match for anyone.

Inquiry - 3yr old "T"

We received a broadcast on "T".  Not sure what area of Texas the broadcast is coming from since it didn't indicate it on the information I got.  I decided I wanted to update whenever we inquire on a child(ren).  I wish I would have started doing that since the beginning.....oh well.....we start today! :)

License Change Saga

Got an email from our caseworker saying that they will be able to start working on our update tomorrow.  If they don't need to do references again, it may even be complete tomorrow and CW will be able to turn it in to the supervisor for approval.  Wondering how long that will take......I'm thinkin.....we'll FINALLY have our license changed in the month of May!
UPDATE:  Late in the afternoon I got another email stating that our CW had completed our family summary and had submitted it to their supervisor.  THAT happened a lot faster than I thought it would.  Here's to hoping that the final approval will happen just as fast! :)

The Aftermath of Respite Care.....

We picked up the kids on Friday 3/25 from daycare.  They were crying a little bit but as soon as I got them in to the car, I started talking to them to soothe their emotions.  I explained what was happening and that we were going to have a fun fun weekend.  We would go to the park, watch movies and play with toys.  They didn't cry at all for the rest of the drive home. 

The 1st night was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be.  I started on dinner, gave them baths, fed the baby, changed the baby, my sister n law came over to help me take take the baby a bath as well.  They were great listeners and they were in bed and asleep around 10pm.  I definitely felt like I was in 10,000 places at once but once it was quiet time I was able to relax......A LITTLE. 

We were told that the baby slept through the night.....well.....she doesn't.  It probably was because she was with new people, new environment, new schedule, etc.  She woke up twice the first night. 

Saturday morning the baby woke up around 6am and the other kids woke up around 7.  I made breakfast and tried to clean here and there.  I have never had my house so messy!  But I know it is definitely something I need to get used to.  The kids played all morning with the different toys we had then they started watching a movie in "their room" and fell asleep for a nap around 11:30.  They slept for a couple of hours and the nice thing about Saturday was that the kids and the baby were on the same schedule.  So I was able to rest while they were asleep.  After getting myself showered and ready, I then woke them up and explained the plans for the rest of the day to them.  I explained to them that my mom and other family would be coming over to go to the beach with us.  I showed them pictures so that they wouldn't be so shocked or scared about everything.  We changed them and introduced them to the rest of the family.  My mom bought the kids toys which they ABSOLUTELY loved.  The 4 year old girl is such a little girly girl and my mom got her make up, necklaces and bracelets.  The 3 yr old boy is a TYPICAL boy.  But sooooooo lovable.  They really all were.  The baby was SUCH a good baby.  She loved to smile and laugh and she likes to be carried.  If I held her on my chest she would fall right to sleep. 

Sunday was a quieter day.  We did the whole morning routine, took naps, then went to a park in our neighborhood.  Sunday evening was the best.  It was full of hugs and kisses and laying on the couches watching movies....and that's when the 4 yr old told me she wanted to stay with me forever.  It took everything I had to not cry right there at that moment.  I knew I had to stay strong.  But from that moment on, I have been a little emotional. 

I tried very hard to not let them in.  I was just trying to be a good babysitter but also teaching them some rules and guidelines.  But at the end.....I just couldn't help it. 

Monday morning I woke up, got them all dressed for school, we loaded them in to the car and put a movie on for them for their drive.  That was the last time I saw them.  I thought they would bring the kids over later that day after they were picked up because they already had to come back to my house to pick up their bags.  But they didn't bring the kids.  And I obviously understand why they didn't.....but the whole day I kept telling myself I would see them again that evening.  The foster parent told me that the kids were crying and crying from the point he picked them up from day care so he didn't think it was a good idea to bring them over because then that cycle would start all over again.  I DO UNDERSTAND......but it doesn't take away from it hurting. 

Not that it's getting easier....but it's becoming bearable.  I did cry once yesterday evening when I walked in to the spare bedroom (their bedroom) to get a blanket.  I hadn't realized I hadn't been in there.  Or maybe I was avoiding that room.  I think I could smell them in there! :-|.  And I instantly thought to myself....."oh no....I'm not going to be one of those people that can't go in to THE room, am I?". 

Right now this moment....I don't know if I would do respite care again.  I mean....is this the way I'm going to feel every time I meet different children?  And if I do feel that way.....am I betraying the 1st 3 I looked after?  I at least have comfort in knowing that I can truly love these children as if they came from my tummy.  I knew I would and I would say I would, but it was always a fear or question in my head.  What I felt for those children was MUCH different than anything I have felt before.  It was so much MORE.  I have often wondered if I'm ready for kids....and now I know I am.

Met the children...

We had a meet and greet with the 3 children we are doing respite care for.  What was I thinking when I agreed to take care of 3 children all at the same time?!?!?!?  The 2 year old and 4 yr old have SO MUCH energy.  Their favorite word is "NO" and "WHY".  Well isn't that lovely? ;)  They are all super adorable though.  The 4 yr old is such a diva princess and I kinda love it.  The 2 yr old seems very observant of his surroundings.  But they weren't shy at all.

So far....I think this weekend is going to do exactly what I wanted it to do for me.  It's going to allow me to experience being responsible for children more than one night and it's going to make me SERIOUSLY think about what ages I am considering.

Well I survived the first few hours with them.  Let's see what tomorrow brings us.

Changing our license

During our last quartely visit which was in February, we requested a change to our license to include Legal Risk adoption.  On Tuesday March 1st we heard back from our caseworker and were told that we were approved for the change!  FINALLY something is going our way :).  We were then told by our CW that she would need to come do another home visit and we scheduled her in for the 8th.  She answered all of our questions and reminded us that Legal Risk is kind of like fostering so we would need to EACH keep up with 20 hours of educational classes.  She also mentioned that "regular" couples do not have to EACH take 20 hours, they can combine their hours.  Well....isn't that just lovely?

Onwards and upwards!  Must stay on a positive path!  So we got through the visit and everything went perfectly of course ;) and we already have a class crossed off our list.  Only 16 more hours to go....EACH.  OH! I also found out that if we need a babysitter we would need our "future babysitters" to be cpr certified and have a background check done on them.  So I've been sending out background forms to future aunts, uncles and grandparents galore! 

We received a broadcast today on a one year old baby.  We decided to send his caseworker our homestudy.....and I am just now realizing we haven't sent in our homestudy for any children in a while. 

This weekend we are taking care of 3 children for 3 nights, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.  FUN TIMES!  We are really excited to be able to spend time with these kiddos and show them a fun fun fun time!  We are supposed to have play dates with my sis n laws and their kids.  I hope to tire them out so that they can fall in to a deep slumber during the night hours ---> so that I can get some rest. 

Hopefully I'll get our new license emailed to me soon so that we can see if we see a difference in broadcasts.  I've started to feel an overwhelming nesting feeling.  I even worked on my lawn, which is unheard of.  A little blood sweat and tears never hurt anyone.....right?

Heard a response from an inquiry....

Our last adoption match meeting was cancelled due to weather but it's rescheduled to next Saturday 2/19.  We are still very excited to experience it and to see all these little children have a great
time with the activities they have planned for them.

We inquired on an 8 year old and did receive some promising feedback.  I've kept my eye on him since last November.   I've asked the caseworker a few more questions that I'd like more info
on.....hopefully we'll hear back today.  He has 5 other siblings that were all adopted and he would like to stay in contact with those siblings.  I really have no problem with this at all, as long as they were adopted to non bio family members.  1.  because they were taken away from the family for some reason or another.  and 2.  He is the only one that hasn't been adopted out of that group and I just find that very sad. 

In other news....I have 8 weeks left to lose as much weight as I can before this weight loss competition ends!  I think I found my mojo back.  I have been SO lazy the last 2 weeks and I really need to
get on the ball.  I know this is the best time to really take advantage of my time without kids because hopefully.....soon enough....I will have my kids :)